a still reflection

James 1:19-20 says, "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires."

For the last three or four months I've been studying the book of James with my home group. Slowly but surely, we've dissected the text verse by verse. Again and again, those are the two verses that keep coming to my mind. I keep coming back to those words: Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. I've read those verses many times before, but this time they leaped off the page and shouted at me, demanding that I reconsider them. They've struck a chord in my soul that keeps reverberating as each day goes by.

I've always looked at those verses and thought of them in terms of me and my relationship with my family, friends, and people in general. I think I have always looked at those verses as a kind of a checklist of godly behavior to be mentally ticked off. Be quick to listen. I'm a great listener. Check. Be slow to speak. I sometime speak before I think but not terribly often. Check. Be slow to become angry. I rarely get to the point that my blood is boiling. It actually takes a lot to stir up anger in my soul. Check. Wow, at this rate I'm a pretty good Christian. And so, I think I've traditionally checked off my checklist, patted myself on the back, and given myself permission to kind of gloss over those words.

But something changed during the course of this study. As I've heard those verses mentioned and as I've referenced them myself time and time again in the course of discussing the rest of the book, something in my perspective began to shift.

Over the course of the study, I have been struggling with a seemingly unrelated verse in the Bible. Psalm 46:10 says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Even though Psalm 46 is one of my favorite Psalms and I read it often, that particular verse is one that I battle tooth and nail.

I habitually overbook my calendar. I have a ridiculously hard time saying no to anyone who asks me to do something. I am busy all the time! Oh sure, I'm busy with things that are good and often even Christ-like. I'm busy with all the normal day-to-day stuff like work and keeping my house clean and going to the gym every day and having fun with my friends. And then on top of that I'm busy with "spiritual things" like Bible studies and planning church events and helping different friends and family members with needs that arise. My weeks seem to fill up with life's clutter in the blink of an eye.

My family and my friends have chastised me a million times, warning me that I need to slow down before I make myself sick. They say I need to learn how to say no. My old boss used to tell me that I was too much of a perfectionist and that I needed to learn how to delegate and trust my employees to get the job done rather than do everything myself, my way. Even so, I never seem to listen. I nod and smile and say, "Oh yes, you're absolutely right" but inside I'm already thinking about what I need to get done today and what's on my calendar for tomorrow. On those rare occasions that I decide to slow down and take some time off, something too fun to resist or seemingly too important to disregard pops up and suddenly I'm driving across town and staying out until two in the morning again.

A few weeks ago I was at a church service at Summit and my friend gave me a copy of the advent study guide published by the church. I was eager to begin the study and make it an important part of my routine in this busy holiday season. Keeping Christ at the focus of the Christmas season is incredibly important to me and at the same time increasingly difficult as the years go by. I brought the book home and laid it on my dresser. As I put it down, its title stared back at me: Still. One simple word that pierced me with such conviction I almost couldn't look at it anymore.

The book sat on my dresser for a week untouched. Still. I couldn't stop thinking about Psalm 46:10. I knew it was God speaking to my heart but I resisted that fact, convincing myself that I was much too busy to be still and listen to God. In fact, exactly one week into the staring contest between Still and I, I was talking to a friend close to midnight about how busy my life had become and how much I longed for more time spent reading the Word when those fateful words parted from my lips, "I'm just too busy." As soon as my own ears heard the phrase leave my mouth, I wanted to reach out and grab them from the air and suck them back down in shame. Too busy for God? Who am I kidding? Ridiculous.

Needless to say, that night I went home and got into bed with Still in hand. Still and I had some quality time that night. I read the first week's lessons that night and with each "day" of wisdom, my soul was touched more deeply and I knew those words were exactly what I needed to hear. It was as if that book was written by God for me. A love letter from Jesus. It was an amazing experience and one that was well worth staying up late into the night for.

Somewhere in that time of stillness with God, He spoke to my heart and changed the meaning of James 1:19-20 for me. For the first time ever, I looked at those verses and I didn't think about my relationship with others. I didn't mentall check off my good behavior and dismiss the importance of James' words. This time I read those words and I thought of my relationship with God Himself. "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." Be still.

Be quick to listen. How often do I busy myself to the point that I fail to simply listen for God's voice? Failure. Be slow to speak. I am always running my mouth, speaking to others about what they should or could be doing to please God and serve Him, but am I slowing down enough to recognize when I should be silent instead? Failure. Be slow to become angry. I know that all too often I become frustrated with waiting on God's timing, become angry with Him for not catering to my desires and take matters into my own hands. I pray to God with a request and when He doesn't answer in my own time frame, I get frustrated. Failure again.

Those verses in James and that verse in the Psalms have become more meaningful to me in the last couple of weeks. I think they'll remain in my heart for awhile. I have so much yet to learn on this journey here on earth. I know that God has many more things that He will teach me along the way. Today, my goal is to simply be still long enough to hear what He has to say to me today...in this one moment.

Be still, Beloved.