the beginning or the end?

Tonight was the last meeting of a church ministry that has been my home away from home for the last four years or so. It was a night of reminiscing, remembering, smiling and laughing, crying, hugging, thanking, and recognizing. It was our last meeting as a group, but was it the end of an era...or a new beginning?

I heard about Revolution, a discipleship-based (home group based) ministry geared toward young, single and married adults, through the newspaper at my church but it took me months to work up the nerve to actually attend a group where I knew no one. Talk about stepping out of my comfort zone!

As much as I knew I was in need of an area to get "plugged in" at my super-sized megachurch, I also knew that I was overly shy when it came to the thought of walking into a room of strangers and trying to form new friendships without at least one friend there with me as my crutch.

I finally visited Revolution. I felt uncomfortable, out of place, and isolated. I went again. Same feeling. I wasn't liking it, but I kept going back. In a way, I guess you could say that I made a deal with God.

"Lord, I'll keep going until I get plugged into a home group and I'll see how that goes. That's all I'm committing to for now..."

Well, I signed up for a home group and thus began the longest year of my life as I sat on a waiting list and sporadically attended the weekly group meetings with much trepidation and reservation.

And then it happened. Through a "slight miscommunication," an email circulated that an all girls Bible study, led by Christie and Angela, would begin the following week at MY house! I figured I had better attend. And so I did. For the next couple of years...

That home group, which I eventually began to co-lead, would change my life. Through a series of newly formed friendships, heart-to heart talks, discipleship and accountability, my walk with Christ went from good and strong to amazing and contagious! I met friends who not only loved Christ and talked about Him on Sundays and at Bible study meetings, but actually lived like Him on a daily basis.

Parts of my heart that had never before been awakened were suddenly drawn out and developed. I fell in love with being a servant of the King and I tapped into the power of prayer in a way that I had never experienced before.

I came to Revolution over four years ago, knowing no one and feeling lost. I am leaving with a family of close friends that is too large to count and a support network that I know will continue to uplift me and pray for me even as I move away to the other corner of the country to start my life with the husband that I met through this very ministry.

To me, this isn't the end of a ministry or the end of incredible memories made. It's the beginning. In the words of our leader Casey, we've been sheep in constant need of feed and care and now it's our turn to become the shepherds who go out and care for our own flocks. I'm leaving Revolution armed with more tools for service and spiritual growth than I could have thought possible at this point in my life.

It's my prayer that Dan and I will take what we have learned and transfer it to our own personal ministry as man and wife....that tonight would be the beginning of something far greater and far more beautiful than we've ever imagined...

Gideon

You have too many men for me to deliver Midian into their hands. Judges 7:2

I have always loved the story of Gideon in the Bible. It's truly remarkable to see how God delivers His people in the least expected ways! Today, my daily devotional book led me to revisit the Old Testament story of when Gideon was about to face an army of enemies and God repeatedly commanded him to reduce the number of his own army by the thousands! The devotional went on to give a powerful charge to let my vulnerability be the occasion for God's power.

Yea. Easier said than done.

There's nothing easy or comfortable about the Christian life. It's the road less traveled, the beauty less obvious, the painful climb to a summit glorious. It seems pretty clear to me that God is more visible, more glorified, more desired and needed in our moments of weakness and frailty. Why then would He pass up an opportunity to bring us to a point where we see our need for Him? The tough part is, He often doesn't.

I, in my human flesh, am so short-sighted that I'm rarely able to see beyond my own nose and recognize that I simply CAN'T do it on my own...whatever "it" is. I think I speak for all humanity when I say that we have a NEED for God and we have a NEED to be reminded on a painfully regular basis.

These last several weeks have been a painful lesson that I'm still in the process of learning. The basic Cliff's notes version is that God has been stripping away my army by the thousands, just as He did with Gideon. Now I'm left with just the few good men that God wants me to be equipped with and we're facing giants together. Armed with little ourselves, we're rich with the power of God and it's now abundantly clear that He and He ALONE will lead us to victory over our enemies.

Now to abandon the analogy and speak plainly about the hardcore reality of what I'm talking about, I have been literally (or verbally) battling for some time now about the changes that are destined to occur in the midst of my getting married. With my job disintegrating by the minute, no new job in site, outrageous wedding expenses, and now moving expenses (yes, it's official - we'll be moving to Seattle after the wedding)...I am for the first time in my life completely broken financially and at the mercy of God's hand alone to provide for me. I've always been financially stable "on my own" (I think God just laughed at me) and it's not easy for me to be in this place. But I know God has brought me here and He has great plans for me here.

At first I was somewhat angry and indignant to find myself here in this place of vulnerability and utter dependence. I never thought I'd be bringing NOTHING financially to the table at the start of my marriage. I wanted to bring more of a bonus than a burden to Dan's finances. I see now that God wants to show me that He and HE ALONE can provide for my needs and for the needs of my upcoming marriage. He has led me to this place so that I will see how great His love is for me.

God saw that I had too many "men" to feel the need for My Deliverer and so He is stripping me of my own resources so that I can rely more fully on Him for my every need. He's pulling me into His lap as His child and caring for me as my Father.

The Lord has already blessed me with the desire of my heart in giving me a godly husband in Dan. How can I do anything but trust that He will continue to take care of me beyond my wildest expectations?

from muddy to majestic

I said, "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest -- I would flee far away and stay in the desert; I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm." Psalm 55:6-8

I say this fairly often, but the thing that I love most about reading David's Psalms is reading his words of distress and anguish. His words are so raw in the Psalms as he cries out to God in his pain. You can hear the unveiled fear in his voice. You can imagine his lip quivering as he holds back the tears and shakes his fist at the Most High in a desperate plea for his Savior to come to his rescue. Knowing that David was called "a man after God's own heart" and knowing that he was a man set apart by God to literally bring down a fierce giant of a warrior and rule over an entire nation, it makes me feel pretty good to know that he too had times of utter dependence on God and moments of complete weakness and frailty. If he had those moments, surely it's normal for little ol' me to have them too. *Sigh of relief.*

I love how as I read my devotions this morning, the book mentioned that God actually insists on our enduring suffering because it produces results that nothing else can accomplish. It's so true. It's in the midst of our grief and pain that we cling to Jesus Christ in a desperate, no-holds-barred kind of surrender. We don't do that when things are going fabulously and completely in our favor. Instead we become complacent and arrogant in our serenity.

There exists a unique beauty in being desperate. It's in those moments of desperation that we gain clarity because our eyes are finally open to the fact that we can't manage to live fully without Jesus Christ. We can get by in this life by maintaining a mediocre existence if we're dependent fully on ourselves, but we know the end result of a Godless life: certain death. In those times where we feel hopeless, those are the instances where we are made truly aware of where our hope lies -- in Christ and in Him alone!

And so how is it that we are to endure in the midst of suffering? When everything in our lives seems to be spiraling out of control, how are we supposed to persevere as the Scripture urges us to? My devotional book reminded me today

My friend and I just completed an endurance marathon called the Muddy Buddy. We trained for the race beforehand by running and biking as much as we could. Although we knew there would be obstacles to complete during the race, we didn't know ahead of time what type of obstacles we would be encountering exactly. All we could really do was prepare ourselves to endure whatever challenges we came up against.

When the day of the race finally arrived, we were surprised at how difficult it was. Biking and running through the sand was incredibly difficult. We never knew what obstacle we would have to complete at each transition point until we actually arrived there. At one transition station, it was a rock wall we had to climb. At another, we had to cross over a long balance beam. Each station was different. Pedal stroke after pedal stroke, one foot in front of the other, mile by mile we traversed through the sandy terrain and through the black, muddy pit at the end of the race to finally make it across the finish line. We were covered in black mud and our eyes were blinded by all of the dirt in our eyes, but volunteers awaited us and hosed us off so that we could finally see again. It was such a rush having completed such a difficult journey so victoriously!

That's how it works in a life dependent on Christ. We can't know ahead of time what obstacles or trials we will face as we round each bend in the winding path. We simply know that hard times will come up and that we will indeed suffer in the midst of them. It is in the process of enduring those trials and tribulations that we build eternal results as we learn to lean more dependently on Jesus Christ and rely less on our own strength mile by mile, one foot in front of the other. We will inevitably have to face the dark, muddy pit of humanity and pain and filth, but we will indeed reach the finish line. We have a Redeemer who washes us clean of all of the mud and the muck, who refreshes our soul after its long and weary journey. Our pain and suffering isn't in vain. It has a purpose that is rich with hope and grace. At the end of this endurance marathon called life awaits our Heavenly Father who will remove the dirt from our eyes so that we might finally see clearly and with eternal perspective. I can't wait...

gravity

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down.


I love music, but rarely do I take notice of the lyrics to most songs. Every once in awhile, a song will take hold of me and its lyrics will penetrate my psyche. That happened recently as I was driving home one night with my iPod playing. I played the song over and over again, letting the words resonate within my mind and saturate my thoughts. I don’t know what or who Sara Bareilles was thinking about when she wrote the song Gravity, but each time I listen to it…I hear a broken heart crying out to God. It sounds like the voice of the prodigal son who returned home to his father after coming to the end of his rope…or the voice of the adulteress who humbled herself before the feet of Jesus.

I hear my own voice crying out to a Holy God as I admit that I can’t do it on my own. I can’t make it through this life on my own feeble strength even though I sometimes fool myself into thinking that I’m stronger than I really am. No matter how often I try to stray from the course God has set before me, I find myself falling back into the strong, capable arms of a loving Savior.

My belief in God is as certain as my confidence in the law of gravity. It’s real and it’s always there and it affects every single aspect of my life. I can’t shake it. I can’t escape it. And I don’t want to.

finger paintings

My favorite part of each day comes just as the sun is setting. About that time, I usually make a point to be working out on the cardio machines which are located on the second floor of my gym. The view from the elliptical machines and treadmills is just perfect since they're directly across from the windows on the West side of the building. I watch each night as the sky changes from a pale blue to a dark purple streaked with different shades of golds, ambers, pinks, oranges, and grays. The colors morph and merge and mingle each night as I watch them...it’s almost like watching a slow dance. It's breathtakingly beautiful and incredibly romantic. I know it's God romancing my heart. He's pretty good at it. I picture God finger painting in the sky, creating this personal masterpiece for me to ooh and awe over as He calls me His Beloved.

I remember as a little girl sitting up at my dad's drafting table and watching him as he would paint with watercolors. With a little prodding, he would let me join him. He'd give me special paper and free reign over an expensive assortment of stunning, vibrant colors. I'd ask him the names of the different colors like cerulean blue and cadmium yellow and crimson red and I'd mix my own unique color combinations. In the end, my watercolors were never as organized or as beautiful as my dad's works of art, but to my mom they were worthy of display in the Louvre. She’d print a Bible verse on a transparency film and place it over my blended hues before framing them and finding a suitable spot on one of the living room or bedroom walls to hang them, proudly displayed for all who entered our home to see.

I have to wonder if life is full of creative moments like that. I wonder if when I’m serving God selflessly by doing a service project or helping a friend in need or something if those moments are so beautiful in God’s eyes that they’re like a child’s mediocre replica of the Creator’s brilliant evening skies. Does He frame moments like those and hang them on His heavenly walls and smile with remembrance each time He gazes at them? I imagine that heaven is glittered with paintings like those…amateur mock-ups of an Artist’s brilliance, given a value by the Father far greater than any man would ever attribute to them…counterfeits viewed as priceless treasures by the Authenticator merely because of the great love He has for the person whose fingers put paint to paper.

I hope I see a lot of familiar paintings as I wander the halls of heaven one day...

leavin' on a jet plane

I’m on a plane flying to Denver, Colorado as I’m writing this. I’m thousands of feet in the air, so high all I see outside my window is a sea of puffy, white clouds below a flawless blue sky. This plane ride isn’t just the beginning of my ski trip though. It’s so much more. It’s a new beginning for a new chapter of my life. You see, I think life pretty much plays out in chapters. Some chapters are terribly dull or painfully long and you just can’t wait to get to the end of them so you can start the next one. Some are so beautifully joyous that you wish they’d stretch on for hundreds of pages!

Well, I’m sitting here ready for a new chapter. I’m determined to make a fresh start for myself. In some ways I’m still trying to figure out what exactly I want to read when I look back on this chapter some day down the road.

I know one thing though…I’m determined to be different. I just ordered a diet coke from the flight attendant. I don’t even like diet coke. Maybe I need to take this fresh start business down a notch.

From Ski Trip 2008

I’m reading a book right now about God’s grace – well, I just started reading it for the second time. The first time was a few years ago but at the time I found the book to be too thought-provoking and potentially life-altering and I wasn’t ready to make changes to my life just yet so I cast that book and those newly provoked thoughts aside on a shelf somewhere.

But here I am now on this plane flying to Colorado and away from my life as it once was. I’m ready for books that will make me fall so madly in love with Jesus that I’m willing to make sacrifices for Him. This isn’t just a plane ride to Colorado. No, it’s an escape in some ways. It’s a sprint towards Jesus with arms outstretched. It’s a lot of things. It’s both an end and a beginning.

My diet coke just got here. Note to self: no more diet coke. The new me still doesn’t like it.

When I step off of this plane, I want to see mountains. I love the mountains! They always remind me of how big God is and how small I am in comparison to his bigness. I need to see God as big right now.

Today I’m making a commitment to God and to myself. I want more of God and I know that He wants more of me. I want to spend more time alone with God – talking to Him, reading His Word, taking walks with Him, and just being still and quiet long enough to hear His voice.

I want to stop being so “busy” all the time. I want to sleep more. I want to pray more. I want to run more. I want to spend more time with my family. I want to trust God more. I want to drink less coffee (shocking, I know!). I want to complain less. I want to love God more deeply. I want to have afternoons where the only thing I do is climb trees or sit reading and sipping iced tea on my front porch as I ponder all the questions I want to ask Jesus someday.

About two years ago, I was involved in a Beth Moore Bible study with a group of girls from my church. During the study, we were asked to select a Bible verse that we found especially difficult to believe. The verse I chose was the verse that says that God would grant me the desires of my heart.

I’ve always known that verse is true because God’s Word is truth, but it still has never felt true to me. Doubt remains at the back of my mind and I always cringe at the mention of this promise in the Bible. At the same time, I’ve always known and understood that the key to this verse is that God will alter and refine our desires to be a reflection of Himself and His will for our lives.

Oh God, let this be You changing me and transforming me – not just me selfishly seeking a change of pace, or a new chapter!

tutus and twirls

Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. (Proverbs 4:25)

Growing up, I took ballet lessons. I instantly fell in love with the dance as a kid. I mean, I LOVED it! I was always dancing. Whether at home, at school, or in the aisles of the grocery store, no one could keep my feet from moving to the music that played inside my head. While I loved every part of dancing, one of my favorite things in ballet class was doing pirouette turns. Turn after turn after turn (grocery store aisles are perfect for these)...I always felt like a princess spinning around on my toes!

The tricky thing about pirouette turns is that you can easily become dizzy from doing them. The key to turning without becoming dizzy is, of course, to fix your eyes on one stationary spot. With each turn, your gaze must come back into focus on that one particular spot at the end of each rotation. I can remember scanning the room for my selected focal point – a picture frame, a sign, a poster, or even my own reflection in a mirror. The focal point is a must. Otherwise...you're bound to end up in a giggling heap on the floor, pink tutu and all.

The same is true with our faith.

In Hebrews 12:2 the author writes, “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

If we don't keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, we're bound to end up in a heap of trouble and there’s not so much giggling in that heap! We're way too easily distracted by the things that the devil throws in front of us in an effort to trip us up and cause us to doubt God's goodness and ultimate plan for our lives.

As a dancer, It wasn’t enough for me to fix my gaze on any old object. I couldn’t choose a passing car or a person walking by because, naturally, I knew that they wouldn’t be in the same place by the time my head had whipped back around. I had to choose a solid, stationary object that I could rely on to remain stationary during the amount of time it took me to complete each rotation. When I apply that lesson to faith, I see Christ as the only solid and stationary object to concentrate on. My friends and family are there for me most of the time, but as humans with their own individual set of struggles and limitations…they’re bound to disappoint me eventually. Money evaporates quicker than water. The job market can be highly volatile. Vehicles and homes are subject to accidents and fires. The only true constant in this life is my relationship with Jesus Christ. There’s a good reason the Psalmist refers to God as our Rock!

We, as children of God, are often likened to sheep in the Bible. Psalm 100:3 says, “Know that the Lord is God. It is He who made us, and we are His; we are His people, the sheep of His pasture.” While sheep in children’s books are cute and fluffy creatures, the reality is that sheep are not known for being the smartest of animals. Sheep are easily frightened and are very slow, which makes them especially vulnerable to predators. They’re high maintenance in that they need the constant care and attention of a shepherd. They are so easily influenced by their peers that they will willingly follow one another right over the edge of a cliff to their death in pursuit of a few blades of grass. Isaiah 53:6 reads, ”We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.” Essentially, the smartest sheep is the sheep nearest his shepherd.

Thankfully, we're not sheep without a shepherd. Christ is our Shepherd and He has come for His lost sheep (Matthew 15:24).

Last week I spent a few days studying a short passage in Proverbs (4:20-27) as part of a daily Bible study I’m doing with some friends. Looking back at the verses again after having read them for several days in a row, I finally noticed a theme emerging from the text. The theme was one of obedience and position. Our Heavenly Father is omnipotent (all-powerful) and He is in control of all things. That doesn't mean that we accept Christ into our hearts, accept his gift of salvation, and then carry on in life doing as we please because we have been sanctified by the blood of Jesus and are thereby forgiven for all of our sins (past and present). A life given to Christ is a changed life. Not a perfect life…a changed life. The change begins with obedience.

Reading over those words in Proverbs over and over again, certain phrases jumped out at me. Listen to God. Memorize Scripture. Guard your heart. Fix your eyes on Jesus. Avoid lies and gossip. They were all commands, or rather demands for obedience to the Shepherd.

We will always be sinful humans. Our call isn't to be sinless (it's just not possible), it's to be obedient and to position ourselves in such a stance that we are ready (and more importantly, willing) to be used as tools of the Lord. It’s our responsibility to be putting our bodies in a position ready for worship…to be positioning ourselves as close to the Shepherd as we possibly can…to concentrate our focus on Christ as we traverse this dizzying pirouette-twirling journey called life. We're commanded by God to go to church (Remember the Sabbath Exodus 20:8), guard our hearts, and fix our eyes on Jesus. We don't do these things because they're wonder drugs for our moments of depression or supernatural maps to lead us in moments when we’re especially lacking direction. We do them out of obedience to God, knowing fully that He will bless us for our obedience. He will surely grant us our undeserved prize.

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:14)

I might be too old for the tutu now, but I’ll never be too old to fix my eyes on my Shepherd and dance for Him.



A side note: As I was writing this blog, I did a little research (ok it was VERY little so don’t bother asking me any questions later) on the behavior and nature of sheep. One thing that I found pretty interesting was that while sheep have excellent peripheral vision, they unfortunately have very poor depth perception. Dips in the terrain ahead of them, and sometimes even just shadows, will cause them to stop in their tracks or even retreat. As a result, sheep have a natural tendency to want to move out of darkness and into well-lit areas.

The same applies to us as the sheep of God’s pasture. Like sheep, our peripheral vision is 20/20. We are easily distracted, and consequently entangled, by the things that encompass us in this world. Our depth perception seems to be terrible in that we are always slipping and tripping and having to fall to our knees to ask forgiveness. I truly believe that there is something inside of us that causes us to naturally desire to move out of the darkness of sin and enter into the Light of God’s Truth.

doing the chocolate dance

Wisdom is not gained by passive absorption. It must be consumed and savored. It must become the focal point of our thinking. -- Chris Tiegreen, The One Year Walk With God

I love the mental picture that comes to my mind when I read Proverbs 4:20-21. "My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them."

When I read those verses, I envision this little boy chasing after his Father and leaping into the air to grasp his words as they float, swirling and twirling on every fleeting breeze like snowflakes, from his lips. The little boy is excited with this game he and his Father are playing. He giggles and squeals with delight as he anticipates his daddy's every word and the chase that ensues.

One night last year, my friend took me with him to spend the evening at an art museum in town. At that time, there was one exhibit at the museum which centered entirely around chocolate. Within the exhibit were all these different booths set up sampling chocolate and displaying things made out of chocolate. One booth was particularly amusing to us. The "vendors" had in their station something that was similar to a plastic phone booth and there were hundreds of chocolate wrappers lying on the ground inside. One by one, museum patrons would zip themselves inside the plastic booth. Once secured inside the plastic lining, the patron would meet with a great gust of wind coming from the floor of the booth which would send the wrappers swirling around his or her face and body. The object, of course, was to grab as many chocolate bar wrappers from the air as possible in the short amount of time allotted. The end result: a whole chocolate bar in exchange for every wrapper.

We watched person after person go inside the booth because it was so amusing to watch them do their "chocolate dance" amid the blizzard of wrappers. They would look so frantic and desperate as they grappled in the air for promises of chocolate. Eventually, we ran into another friend of ours at the exhibit and the friend I was with conned him into entering the plastic booth under the false pretense that we would then do it as well. Our friend did pretty well at collecting a nice handful of wrappers and he graciously shared his chocolate winnings with us despite our trickery.

Do we ever look like that? Do we ever resemble a child scrambling to catch his Heavenly Father's every word? Do we ever look like the patron in the plastic booth, hungrily stuffing wrappers into our pockets in eager anticipation of the rewards they represent? Or are we merely spectators in this life of faith - spectators who hope to benefit from someone else's chocolate prizes? Are we content to let the words fill our ears and sink into the abyss of our mind, hopeful that their final resting place will benefit us in some way or cause us to supernaturally grow with little or no effort?

I have to think that faith without ensuing action isn't really faith at all. If a life touched by the blood of Christ (or by the words of Christ) isn't a changed life, then it is not a life worth living.

As a child, I soaked in all the Bible stories and Scripture memory verses I could get my hands on. In addition to my Barbie dolls and the traditional doll house, I had Bible action figures and a Jerusalem "doll house" that my dad built for me. I would spend hours in play with Ruth, Esther, and David, moving their plastic legs through my cardboard city. I would line up my stuffed animals and babydolls to tell them stories from my makeshift pulpit (an upturned wooden footstool). I sang along to Psalty's Scripture memory songs that bellowed from my favorite red, plastic cassette player. Wow, I was such a freak.

Then somewhere in my adolescence, my passion died down for awhile. I grew complacent sitting in church on Sunday and grew satisfied with simply letting the words fill my brain. In a way, I expected that to be enough. For awhile, I was satisfied with the passive absorption Tiegreen was talking about.

I'm so grateful that God has brought me out of that stagnant state and has re-ignited my passion for His Word and has shown me firsthand how vital His Truth is to my daily life! I'm so thrilled to be doing the chocolate dance for God's words of wisdom. I just hope it doesn't end when my time runs out in the booth. And I hope I don't hoard all of the "chocolatey" wisdom for myself, but that I share it instead with everyone around me.

For me, the chocolate dance comes as a result of spending time reading my Bible every day. It comes about after applying Godly principles to my life that my pastor preached about on Sunday. It's a result of the discussions I have with my home group each week as we dissect Scripture passages. The chocolate dance comes in the form of Christ-like conversations with family and friends and Godly reactions to circumstances and situations. The chocolate dance is recognition of God's hand in a beautiful, blue sky or a breathtaking sunset. The chocolate dance is giggling until there are tears running down your cheeks as you share your heart and open your arms to your girlfriends who are going through this life journey alongside of you.

The bottom line: God's wisdom is dark, chocolatey goodness for the soul.

when i grow up, i want to be a lion

I am woman. Hear me roar!

I think women are often likened to cats or lions because of our "catty" tendencies with one another. That's probably the number one quality in women that causes me to seek male friendships and be extra picky about the women I surround myself with on a daily basis. I hate pettiness and I cringe at cat-like women who manipulate and gossip and bicker and tear one another down. But interestingly enough, Proverbs links the lion to boldness and righteousness. Proverbs 28:1 says, "The wicked man flees though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion."

Ruth Boorstin, an American writer and poet, once said "Be bold in what you stand for and careful what you fall for."

Lately I've been thinking more and more about being bold for the sake of Christ.

I used to be the only Christian in my workplace and in order for me to maintain a lifestyle pleasing to God in that environment, boldness was almost required of me. My lifestyle begged questions about what made me so different from everyone else. Why wasn't I getting drunk or going out for drinks with everyone else after work? Why wouldn't I date so-and-so or sleep with my so-and-so? Why didn't I gossip and backstab like others did? Why didn't curse words come out of my mouth?

Now I work at a Christian company and everyone in my office is pretty like-minded on the moral issues. And my family is Christian. And nearly all of my friends are Christians. Suddenly I'm not so different on the outside from anybody else around me and I have to ask myself...am I still bold? If not, where and when and how can I be?

I was driving home from church last Sunday and as I sat at a red light on a major six-lane highway, I noticed a man walking along the sidewalk. He was dressed in nothing but sneakers and a pair of jogging shorts. On his back was strapped a backpack. There's nothing unusual about any of that. What made him stick out like a sore thumb was the giant white cross he carried on his shoulder. And by giant, I mean probably about ten to twelve feet long. It had wheels at the bottom where it touched the pavement. I saw him walking with the cross upon his shoulder and my jaw dropped. It took a second for it to register in my brain what was going on. A car passed him and honked a short toot of support, as if the driver were saying "Amen!" or "I'm with you, brother!" The light turned green and I had to drive away, but there was a part of me that so badly wanted to make a U-turn and ask him all kinds of questions. Where are you taking that cross? How often do you do this? What church do you go to? Where did you get this idea? What is your testimony? I immediately admired him for making such a bold statement of his faith.

Last week one night I was in the car with a friend and we were driving along a toll road. We came to a stop at the toll booth and readied our money for the booth operator. As he gave us our change, he leaned over and said "Jesus loves you!" It took us by surprise completely. I sputtered out a quick "Thank you" and I think my friend replied with a "You too!" We drove away asking ourselves, "Did that really just happen?" I wondered aloud if he could lose his job for saying Jesus' name at a toll booth like that. I wanted to go back and tell him how cool I thought it was that he was doing that! It would have been well worth the extra $1.50 I would have had to spend.

Now I have to ask myself, am I bold enough for Christ? I read a devotional last night about lying. The text placed an emphasis on not merely refraining from telling lies, but on speaking the truth when the truth was called for. In essence, it was a devotional about being bold enough to tell the truth. As I reflected on the study, I had to ask myself why I choose to omit the truth or why I shy away from having to speak the truth on occasion. Why do I stay silent when I know I should speak up? The answer was simply my failure to be bold. Each occasion where I had struggled or possibly even failed to speak truth in an uncomfortable situation, it was because I was more afraid of the potential repercussions of my words than I was confident that God would bless me for being truthful. In the instances where I not only struggled but gave in and refused to speak up, I traded boldness for safety. I sold out. I lost an opportunity to be bold for Christ and grow in my faith.

Presbyterian theologian Charles Hodge once said, “The ultimate ground of faith and knowledge is confidence in God.” I want to be confident enough to be bold for Christ. As bold as a lion. Today and always.

I am Christ-like. Hear me roar!


"When I called, you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted. May all the kings of the earth praise you, O LORD, when they hear the words of your mouth." Psalm 138:3-4

"They did what your power and will had decided beforehand should happen. Now, Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness. Stretch out your hand to heal and perform miraculous signs and wonders through the name of your holy servant Jesus." Acts 4:28-30

"I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith." Romans 1:16-17

"Then the one inside answers, 'Don't bother me. The door is already locked, and my children are with me in bed. I can't get up and give you anything.' I tell you, though he will not get up and give him the bread because he is his friend, yet because of the man's boldness he will get up and give him as much as he needs. So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Luke 11:7-9