so, now what...

As I sit here on the eve of my 26th birthday, I can't help but wonder what's in store for the next year of my life. Will my family be ok? Will I fall in love? Will my heart be broken? Will my friends stick by my side or will they abandon me? Will I be happy or will I be disappointed?

Looking back on the last twelve months, I'm overwhelmed to see what I've been through...or better yet, what God has seen me through. God has truly been faithful even when I have been faithless.

A year ago I was engrossed with feelings of inadequacy and shame after having made some poor decisions that seemed to haunt me at every turn. In view of God's holiness, I felt so unclean and unworthy of His grace and forgiveness. Why would He - how could He - bestow such an extraordinary gift on such a lowly sinner? It was there in my hour of darkness that God shed His holy light and stretched me, molded me, refined me. His capable hands chiseled away at my character to reveal a more beautiful work of art...a work in progress that becomes more appealing to the eye as each day goes by.

This year has been a year marked by triumphs and blessings. I have seen God's faithfulness played out in relationships and circumstances time and time again. And having experienced such a year, I can hardly wait to see what God will do next...

I am so grateful for the family I have and for the growth that I have seen in them over the last year. I am in awe of the friendships which have so richly blessed my life. I am humbled by the spiritual giants placed in my life who have caused me to seek the Lord more fervently and earnestly.

Looking back at the twenty-five-year-old me, I see a girl who has learned how to be more giving and more forgiving...a girl who has experienced the amazing power of prayer (even in the little things)...a girl who has been reminded of the hope that is mine through Christ alone.

I'm not who I thought I would be at 25. I'm not a wife and mother as I hoped I would have been by now. I'm not even dating anyone. A part of me wants to panic thinking about the fact that the only two dreams I've ever had for my life have yet to be realized. But then there's the part of me that takes comfort in knowing that there is a Creator who is all-knowing and all-powerful...and He loves me more deeply than I could ever imagine. He knows the desires of my heart and He has a plan for my life that is far better than any fantasy life I could ever dream up.

And so tonight I go to bed with peace in my heart knowing that God will surely and gloriously reveal Himself to me in the morning.

Jesus said, "I have come that those who believe may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10)